Are you too, at a Crossroad?
Case Studies in Personal and Business Coaching: Meet Fran* and Janie*
(* pseudonyms assigned)
Fran: Woman Small Business Owner
Fran called me in a state of, well, Fran-tic.
She is a small business owner who is experiencing huge overwhelm and frustration in trying to take her business to the next level. She began,
“Honestly, I feel like I am swimming upstream these days. Why isn’t it enough that I deliver the best product and services to the public? I’ve spent so much time, energy, and money in developing my expertise – even jumping aboard with the newest social media marketing, and still things are not happening fast enough. I feel stalled and frustrated. What can I possibly do more?”
It took one business coaching session with Fran for me to determine “the more.” Fran needed to change her current mindset about what her #1 asset in her business is.
Like so many small business owners, Fran started her company because she loves the service and product she offers. She spent many years becoming an expert in her chosen field.
Knowing I was going to upset the apple cart at least initially, I began to explain to Fran that having the top product or service is not what sustains and grows a company’s success.
I explained that more small businesses succeed through being managed efficiently and wisely than by providing a new, unique, or top product or service.
In effect, I told Fran, “Your Business IS Your Business, not your product or service.”
Although product and service are very important and necessary components of running a business successfully, they are not the most important determinant if your business will sustain and grow success.
What is is, you – the small business owner. You are the #1 determinant of your company’s success or failure. The #1 asset of your business is you, not your product or service, but how well you manage and run your business – your business acumen.
As if a light bulb went on, Fran’s entire face brightened.
“Can you show me how-to, and in what areas?”
“Yes.” I told Fran, “I will help you develop yourself as a business owner, first and foremost.”
Learn how you can too, by attending a FREE Preview Call on August 25th at 7:00 p.m. CST. Click on for full details.
Janie: Looking for a career change
“I’m embarrassed to admit this, even to my Career Coach. But at age 47, I’m not sure what I want to be when I grow up.” Janie admitted.
I assured Janie she is not alone in this feeling. According to a new survey only 45% of workers are content with their jobs. That means the majority of us are spending the majority of our careers and jobs in quiet desperation. Right off the bat, I congratulated Janie for doing something about it proactively.
A lot of people wait until they are out of a job, to begin assessing what they want to do and change in their lives.
Let’s face it; we don’t go to a traditional school to learn what we are good at, and what we want to do to make our livelihood. Most of us think (incorrectly) that we could never make a good living from marrying our avocation with vocation. So why even try?
Well, says this career coach, “Not only can we align our passion with our purpose – we must, if we want to live a fuller, more satisfying life experience.”
Why then, don’t we?
As I told Janie, the answer is simple. Not easy – but simple. We lack a plan.
Most of us plan better for a week vacation, than we do for our lives.
That’s why so many of us are dissatisfied with our jobs and careers.
Janie and I began immediately to work on her plan for career change.
I taught Janie the Top 10 Success Principles designed to stop the behavior that gets in the way of planning for change.
We began assessing her purpose, life vision, and natural strengths (three of the 10 key principles for effective change to occur).
In just a few short months, Janie had developed her plan to effect positive career change.
You can too. No matter what area of life you want to change, plan first.
Learn how-to with “Planned Change: 3 part tele-series” beginning August 31st at 7:00 p.m. CST.
Click on for more details, including a discounted offering for the next 48 hours!
Time Management- what exactly are you managing?
When it comes to Time Management – have you asked lately exactly what it is you are managing?
I am often called into companies and asked to deliver workshops on improving employees’ Time Management skills. Upfront, I often ask participants to consider Parkinson’s Law: “Work expands to fill the time available for its completion.”
In other words, if you “believe” and therefore act like there are 34 hours in a day, then your work and other obligations will expand to occupy those 34 hours. You will actively and consciously fill up those “believed” extended hours with your work and other obligations. Why do you think deadlines are so necessary, and work so well for so many?
Time Management does not require finding more time to do what needs to be done. Rather, it requires a re-framing of your current mindset (a.k.a., your thoughts, beliefs and attitude around your own self-management). When you have a new paradigm, perspective and thought pattern around time management, you will feel more energized and therefore be able to run more effectively. Try on this new mindset to begin: it isn’t about time management, but energy management.
Three Coaching Tips to get you aligned in Time:
1) Know what is of most importance to you. Can you separate you to-dos from your values? Most of us live our lives from a reactionary standpoint and wander where the time goes. When you live your life from your values, and your actions are aligned with them, time still moves fast, but in a flow-like motion because you are connected with your infrastructure. Coaching exercise: Identify your top 5 values and provide a three to five phrase description of what each value means for you.
2) Plan around your priorities. After completing the previous exercise, rank in importance (1 -10, 1 being the most important) your values, and adjust your daily goals and to-dos from there. Can you draw a connection that may not overtly jump-out? For instance, if health and wellness are a value of yours, what are you doing today as a priority to exercise, eat well, and get enough sleep?
3) Run your day as if there are four seasons in it: Spring (planning and plotting), Summer (actively growing), Autumn (reaping and gathering) and Winter (resting and renewing). Start your day with knowing what you want to accomplish, and begin planning your time and energy accordingly. Then, identify the stretch of hours during your day that you feel most energized and actualize your plan via performing action. Use this time when you feel most energized and focused to produce that which requires your full attention, energy and focus (turn the phone off, avoid email and the internet during this time). Follow your actions with a period of gathering information (making and returning phone calls, performing internet research, and replying to emails). During this time, reap (organize) what you are learning, accomplishing, and wanting to do for tomorrow. Storing information through organizing, sorting, delegating and eliminating, acts as great pruning and efficient streamlining. Finally, make sure you end each day by winding down. The early hours of night are an excellent time to plan for the next day, but make sure it is a light-planning session (objective is to unload burden for a lighter evening). The majority of the night hours need to be devoted to your renewal – body, mind and spirit. Research supports that how you spend the last 45 minutes before you go to sleep makes the most impression on your subconscious. Make sure you fill it with inspirational reading, relaxing, reflective music, or a guided meditation. Allow positive, optimistic, good-feeling thoughts and impressions to fill your mind as your body relaxes.
Contact Amy at 832-419-0639.
Leaving Your Comfort Zone
I am going to give you the bad news upfront: if you want more success than you have today in life or in your business, you will have to leave your comfort zone. Period.
Okay, are you ready for the good news?
If you want more success than you have today, you will have to leave your comfort zone!
?????
Here is the paradox: Most of us strive to get our lifestyles comfortable. And then eventually, and inevitably, “. . .we connect with our own deeper truth and begin searching for a bit broader comfort zone that offers some degree of challenge, growth, and opportunity for meaningful service, and purpose in life – for a deeper connection with life and our work!” – Thomas Moore’s Care of the Soul and a Life at Work.
It’s not that we describe ourselves as unhappy, but there is a chronically reoccurring, and uneasy feeling that we have yet to hit our full potential.
Comfort zones feel safe and the illusion is we buy into being in control while taking up residence. Life appears, in our comfort zone, relatively familiar, stable, secure and contradictory to an environment of growth.
One of my favorite books is Dr. Seuss’ Oh! The Places You’ll Go! A must-have for every adult over 35 years of age, this book is suggestive of leaving one’s comfort zone, albeit from a child’s perspective. Its pearls of wisdom and encouragement come from stretching ourselves, and continuously consciously embracing change.
When I awoke in my life versus running on automatic pilot, somewhere in my mid to late 30’s, I began happily to experiment with the risk of rejection, failure, disappointment, criticism, being ignored, looking foolish, and trying new things.
To this day, I remain committed to the process of developing the courage to rise above the ordinary.
What would be my advice for those just stepping out of their comfort zones?
Here it is: my “Three Quick Tips on how-to comfortably, safely and joyously leave, expand and stretch your comfort zone.”
1. Get a small and quick win upfront! I often suggest taking a small and highly do-able project and complete it within the next day or two. Go de-clutter some room, closet, or drawer at home. Not only do you build confidence in accomplishing this quick and relatively easy goal so that you can go on to a bigger one, I can guarantee clearing space will allow for something new to come in.
2. Get your hair cut, trimmed, or jut part it on a different side. Buy a blouse or shirt in a new and bright color, or pattern, that you usually don’t wear. Point is this: do one thing different on the outside that is going to make you feel “new and exciting, if not a tad bit uncomfortable on the inside.” Change or transformation can begin in either direction. Why not pick something on you to begin to change now?
3. Get support or the appropriate resources to motivate and inspire you to move forward. Attend a workshop, lecture, read a book, see a movie, interview a person who already left her comfort zone, or hire a coach whose job it is to help you sharpen your vision and develop confidence that will catapult you to the next higher threshold of your life or business.
Check out Amy’s upcoming 3 part tele-course, “Leaving Your Comfort Zone” beginning June 29th.
About Amy L Robinson: Amy is a certified life and success coach who specializes in helping professionals reinvent and transform their current thoughts and actions to make way for a more empowering life and work-life. Want more success? Visit her website for full details.
Getting Unstuck
The Trick to Getting Unstuck!
Hint: The directions to getting unstuck are found on the outside of the box.
Face it; unless you are a contortionist, the above picture signifies pain in three real ways – body, mind and soul.
I know I’ve been in this box, know the four walls like the back of my own hand.
There were times in my life where I answered “yes” to the following:
- I’m not doing something correctly.
- I’m not succeeding.
- I’m not fulfilling my potential.
- I’m not doing my job to my utmost.
- I can’t see what the next challenge is going to be.
- I can’t get motivated.
In short, I felt stuck.
Feeling stuck is disempowering and prefaced by disempowering thoughts. Compounded by the fact that stuck feels like it is never going to get better, that something external has a grip on you so tight – keeping you small and in an “icky-sticky” place.
The small, contained and fixated-feeling is just an indicator that your current thought pattern, belief structure and attitude is too narrow. Have you ever tried something on that is too tight? What’s the result? It gets stuck. Consider that your thoughts work the same way.
The antidote is to loosen-up your current perception around whatever has a hold on you.
Are you willing to look at the situation differently and in a more positive light? Ask yourself, “What good things can I learn from this that will help me reach my goals?”
And yes, this will require you to stretch your thinking and “think” something new: leave your comfort zone.
Look at the alternative: if you want more of the same “stuck”, keep doing exactly what you have been doing, and you’ll get the same results.
But, if you are ready to move and get unstuck, try my Top 10 Tips for Getting Unstuck:
1. Relax. Breathe Deep. And think of the Quick Sand Theory: Don’t struggle. Resisting will only push you under further. Instead, stop moving, wailing, blaming, talking and get calmly centered. When you pause long enough, you’ll float to the top and be able to crawl out.
2. Take the elevator down. Leave your Monkey Mind for a moment and do some somatic work- get into your body by scanning your muscles head to toe, releasing tightness, and tension. You’ll be able to move when you body and mind is more relaxed.
3. Don’t make “it” about others being and doing wrong. Bypass the negative judgment and opt for more empowering thoughts and self talk of encouragement directed toward supporting you.
4. Accept 100% personal responsibility for moving yourself out and forward.
5. Get clear on what you want so you have a visible target. No bow and arrow, no matter how strong or sharp, can do its proper job without a target.
6. Get clearer by taking out a piece of paper and begin writing what you want now in great, fun detail. P.S. Don’t worry about the how-I-am-going-to-do-it.
7. Reframe your current perspective from Leaving Your Comfort Zone to Expanding Your Comfort Zone. Take Baby Steps: Rent the funny movie starring Bill Murray and Richard Dreyfus “What About Bob?”
8. Make more easy decisions in one day, than you have in the last month. Flex and build your decision muscle with little stuff – go clean out a cupboard or closet.
9. Do just one thing different today- e.g. different route from work, or part your hair on the other side. This is how a breakthrough occurs.
10. Set a goal for yourself that you will accomplish in 30 days from today, give it a deadline and take action now!
A Woman’s Novocain: Busyness
“For fast-acting relief, try slowing down.” – Lily Tomlin
(The Top 10 Tips to Curb Your Busyness listed at end of this article)
My girl friend, a very successful business owner, and I, have been trying to schedule attending a local workaholics meeting since January. We’re both too busy.
Truth be told, we’re so busy, we are also using the workaholic’s meeting as an opportunity to visit with one another on the ride over and back. Always multi-tasking – we are the poster children for out-of-control busyness.
As I was getting busy on writing about “busyness”, I turned to my trustworthy companion, the dictionary. Under the synonyms for busyness, worlds like “industrious”, “diligent”, “assiduous”, and “sedulous” appeared. Whereas the antonyms – “idle”, “lazy” and “indolent” speckled the page in laidback opposition, I wondered which Puritan-work-ethic-Protestant-ancestor-of- mine came up with these definitions.
My point is there is a balance between busy and idle. But I wondered just what the heck it was in the 21st Century.
So I “scheduled” daydreaming in my daily planner. No kidding. My life coach and I discussed this as a skill worth developing. I set my kitchen alarm for 10 minutes, sat on my bed and stared out the window. I waited and waited some more, for the first dream to appear. Nothing. Instead, I became increasingly annoyed at the loud kitchen timer in the background, until eventually I moved into the kitchen to turn it off. I had made it a whole one minute and 38 seconds. Little wonder I picked up a dirty pan and began washing. Hey, at least being productive made me feel better.
And then bingo- it hit me. I was caught in a thought pattern that if I wasn’t productive, I couldn’t feel good. Like somehow, my “doing-ness” was connected with my worthiness.
Motivated that I was onto something, the next day I went outside to lie on my beach blanket and stare into the sky (sunglasses attached). I was hell-bent on assuming the daydreaming position, even if it is a cliché.
One hour later I woke up with a sun burn, and the neighborhood cat licking my face.
Here’s my point. We adults are works-in-progress. Children have the market on this daydreaming. I can remember when I was a kid I use to day dream for hours- about what I would do when I got older, what my life would be like, who would be in it, and what I would do with all my free time.
Today, like so many of us, I have to work on “not-working.”
The following Top 10 Tips have helped me greatly. I hope they do the same for you.
- Stop multi-tasking
- Stop multi-tasking as your read this
- Practice meditation (notice, I did not write “medication”)
- Flex your “NO” muscle, and if you aren’t comfortable saying “No thanks” right away, give this a try: “Let me think about it and get back to you.” Make sure you do get back to that person!
- Learn to prioritize
- Know your core values and align your activities off of those values
- Change your negative inner critic to a positive inner coach
- Set personal and professional boundaries
- Stop breaking agreements with yourself
- Hire Amy as your life balance consultant/coach today
Surrender Dorothy
“There is only one success – to spend your life in your own way.” – Christopher Morley
THE BEGINNING
My story begins in mid-life when I was at the pinnacle of my own outward success. Ironically, I was being paid the most amount of money in my career and had a job with extremely attractive perks and benefits. But I was enjoying each day in my office, and in my life, less than the day before.
I had “the most” I had ever had on the outside – salary, material possessions, title, influence, associates. I appeared to be living life “large and successful.” On the inside was a totally different story. Although I could not wrap my mind around it, I still felt as if something of great internal value was shrinking. As a result, I felt anything other than successful.
My daily life looked like an excerpt from the movie “Groundhog Day”: Alarm goes off, snooze button hit, snooze button hit again, muttering my first of many expletives of the day, rushing to the shower, skipping breakfast, and arriving at work rushed, harried, and completely unmotivated, wondering what the heck I was going to do with the rest of my day (not to mention life) and trying very hard to look busy and like a “women-with-a-mission” in front of my boss.
Can you relate?
THE WAKE UP CALL
I was working in corporate management and suddenly decided to spin a 180. I can still remember the pivotal morning clearly. I sat in my car and watched my colleagues enter our building on their way to work. I felt immobilized from the neck down with my lack of authenticity and purpose; physical sensations of emptiness, misalignment, and imbalance weighed on every muscle. My mind raced with one thought pattern: What on earth was I going to do today of any value, purpose, and passion to me?
Here’s an interesting thing about life: When you get down to “the bare bones” and ask yourself the most real and deepest question of your existence, an equally authentic and crystal clear answer responds. This was mine: “I do not know. I know it’s here, and I know I need and want to find out NOW.”
My outside persona had finally mirrored my inside and said, “If you are not happy faking it, then I am no longer going to try. This is not worth the energy and effort. Get a real life.”
Can you relate?
“What we are seeking is. . .the rapture of being alive.” – Joseph Campbell
MY EARLY INSIGHT
A really cool and undervalued tidbit about life is this: Everything that you are, ever will be, and meant to do, has already been figured out by the age of 10. For instance, I first discovered me when I viewed “The Wizard of Oz” for the first time, my favorite “There is no place like home” movie. But what really cinched it for me was one scene in particular. Sitting on the couch with my siblings, I watched transfixed as the witch spewed black smoke across the sky on her broomstick, spelling out “Surrender Dorothy.”
Unable to take my eyes off the screen, I side-glanced my sister’s (head-behind-pillow) and brother’s (hands-over-eyes) reactions and both were exhibiting normal responses for children. What was happening to me was anything other than typical, as I was pulled off the couch by some unseen force and closer to the tv set. The word SURRENDER absolutely mesmerized me. I was fascinated by it and of what it suggested and invited within me – release, let go, give up, unclench, rest. I was all of eight years old.
When did you first find you?
THE END (or just the beginning?)
After the epiphany in my car that fateful morning, I began to prepare and plot for my (self) escape, and nine months later I left that position to blaze my own trail and became a yoga instructor, sharing with my students my own experience of surrendering, both on and off the mat. Eventually, some of them asked if I could help with their next move, and thus my career was born. I became a certified life coach and in 2004 officially hung my shingle as “Amy L. Robinson, Life Balance Consultant.”
Call me when you are ready to surrender and awaken to you.
-Amy
832-419-0639
Working Smarter not Harder
This morning in my car, I witnessed a strange scene in the Galleria. Strange scenes rarely happen in the Galleria; I don’t think they are allowed per the deed restrictions. I like the Galleria, as it has been my home for the last 12 years, and it is very homogeneous. Whereas The Heights is eclectic, The Galleria is bright, shiny and clean, like a well-oiled machine. Things out of the planned ordinary just don’t happen here. Until this morning.
A business man was walking his dog when they stopped as the dog took care of its morning constitution. As soon as the dog assumed its proper position to carry out such an act, the gentleman stooped strategically holding an object directly under the dog’s behind. No doubt this object’s purpose was to “catch” what Spot was releasing, before it hit the fan, I mean the ground.
Three immediate questions came to mind, and in this exact order: How strange? What’s next in this world? and Is this man working smarter versus harder?
As a small business owner I am always in the inquiry of the latter. Working smarter than harder will probably be etched on my tombstone (along with “Dunkin Donuts Rule!”). But I had to wonder is the owner working harder by 1) stooping down in a waiting position, 2) keeping strict vigilance between hand-eye-poop coordination, and 3) discarding the matter. Since I was driving by, I couldn’t stay around to observe what he was going to do with the satchel of plenty, but I presume there was a next step involved. I wandered if his back ached from crouching down, and just how worried he was that his tie was going to get caught in the action. By the way he was holding it with the other hand against his chest, I assumed it was his concern. But primarily I wandered how Spot felt. As I drove past the scene, I swear the dog looked embarrassed. I don’t blame Spot at all. Some natural acts should just remain, well, natural.
Work Life Balance: The Power to Decide
It was a life coach’s fantasy-turned-reality. I was to present on stress management and work life balance to AIG’s employees the week the company was featured dismally in the global news. The timing could not have been better as far as the relevancy of the topic and the readiness of the audience. 24/7 I worked to produce an air-tight, solid presentation. Actively ignoring the boyfriend’s advice to slow down and pace myself, I was hell-bent on shepherding these employees to The Promised Land.
Then, just two days prior to the talk, I hit the couch, and couldn’t leave. I was about as balanced as a two-legged stool. An acne outbreak, the size of Rhode Island, had left its mark. No amount of make-up concealer was going to hide the fact that I was an impostor in the area of managing my own stress. Tearing up my presentation notes, knowing it was time to start over, I pulled from my bookcase Webster’s New World Dictionary and searched for “Balance.” And there it was, patiently waiting for me, under the third definition down: The power to decide. At first confused, I began tracing my finger up and down the page, making sure I hadn’t been reading a different word’s definition. After all, at first, second and fifteenth glance, exactly how did balance relate to the power to decide?
And then I got it: How could it possibly not.
When it comes to the area of self-management, especially around stress and balance, I willingly admit I need to keep self-vigilance. I am naturally enthused and influenced by wanting to do much. Passionate and creative, I have declared myself a builder in this lifetime. Being the architect of my own life, I have to really understand what is important to me, what I truly value-what I want this life experience to be for me. I am learning if I want to build anything on the outside real and lasting, I first have to discover my blueprints on the inside.
Here is what I am continuously learning around balance; balance is not a 50-50 split. Balance is not an equal ration of my energy, time, and attention to all my various activities, pursuits, relationships and responsibilities in life. Balance is not found someday in the near (the weekend) or far future (my yearly two-week vacation). Balance is not sourced anywhere, any person, anyplace, or anything OUTSIDE of me. Balance is about my power to decide what is most important to me on a daily (sometimes minute-to-minute) basis. Then align my choices, habits and activities based on those values.
The power to decide requires one to know her self from the inside-out. Some of us know the inside of our purse better. Seriously, only when we know ourselves can we manage what is most important to us.
If you are wandering how the presentation at AIG went, I showed up empty handed. Well, not exactly. I had my dictionary with me, which technically meant I did bring Balance that day. I introduced balance the only way I know how to do anything, by sharing my story, myself –blemishes and all. I had decided that was most important to me.
Buying A Bra, requires a Ph.D.
I admit I gave up wearing bras about four years ago, when I began teaching 23 yoga classes a week after quitting my corporate position. You’d think just the decision to give up bras is true liberation. But no, actually NOT wearing a bra is the ultimate liberator.
Here was my reasoning behind giving up bras (the job is a different article-stay tuned). Since teaching yoga is not a high intensity aerobic exercise, I wouldn’t have to keep the girls bound. Also, since I spun a 180 going from a corporate manager’s salary to teaching yoga, I was doing my part in the downsizing department by not having to pay for bras any longer. Yes, there were so many good reasons to give bras up for good.
Until I went home this summer, and lived with my mom for a few weeks. Ram Dass nails it when he says, “If you think you’re enlightened, go spend a week with your parents.” As I was fixing lunch one day, my head in the refrigerator asking mom where the mustard was, I heard her say,
“Amy, I think you are sagging.”
At first, I thought she meant my backside. Spinning around I was prepared to defend my glutes by showing her just how committed I was to the Pilates “buns burner” routine right there and then. She beat me to the punch,
“I mean your chest. I think you need to start wearing bras again.”
I could have dealt with the butt, but not The Bobbsey Twins. Not wearing a bra felt so good – body, mind and spirit. Just the thought of returning to them felt like I was facing incarceration. But my mom has never led me astray in her advice.
So this past weekend, I cajoled my boyfriend to tag along while I went bra shopping at Victoria’s Secret. As you can imagine, it didn’t take much persuasion. I raised my eyebrow to him, and said, “Don’t get too excited buddy; we’ll be in and out in a New York minute. There’s not much to buying a bra.”
Famous last words.
Three quarters of an hour later, I was staring with a glazed look at 15 bras in my dressing room. Feeling like the saleswoman and I had just downed a round of tequila shots, I was the one failing fast in a sea of confusion, and she was clearly winning the contest. “There’s push up, full coverage, demi cup, multi-cup, strapless, racerback, wireless, t-shirt, lace, minimizers, subtle lift, moderate lift, dramatic lift, extreme lift, ultimate lift.”
Sweat collected on my upper lip, and for a second I thought I was taking the LSAT again. Which was the right multiple choice answer?
Resigned, defeated, I pleaded, “I just want comfortable.”
She looked at me like I had two-heads, “Why didn’t you just say that?” And disappeared.
Sagging (excuse the pun) onto the dressing room’s bench, I felt like the world had changed and grown bigger. I was a strange mutant; some sort of bra-less Rip Van Winkle.
Returning to the dressing room, the saleswoman handed me yet another bra. “This is our comfortable prototype. It’s like you are not wearing one.”
She had me at hello.
It felt so right, like “optional.” I asked her if I could wear it home. She nodded her head, and gave me a bored look. Obviously, I wasn’t the first who had such a request.
No boyfriend to be found as I paid for my purchase, there he was outside, waiting for me.
He smelled a lot like a Victoria’s Secret Angel, taking on the odor of the store. I laughed over the thought of such a tough-looking guy smelling like a powder-puff and sprouting wings.
He smiled at me, happy that I was happy. “Found a good bra, eh?”
Getting Out of My Own Way
When I get out of my own way, I find more inner peace, balance and centeredness; it’s like I just did a straight marathon of yoga classes, but without having to lift one leg in Tree, or Standing Bow, or any posture for that matter. After all these years, I am beginning to experience the same effects from doing yoga, off the yoga mat.
I can tell you how I got out of my own way, and got on with my life. I learned self-compassion. But not the way you may think; it was a process of “reversal of direction.” I wasn’t born knowing how to apply compassion to myself. I had to learn it like a skill, much like changing a flat tire. I had to learn it experientially, since the only manual I could find was coffee-stained, and written in Russian.
I began by testing compassion out on others first. This somehow felt more natural. Like many women’s, the primary direction of my life has been externally driven. I came into this world with heavy reinforcement, “to do for others first.” If “reading-others-emotional-barometers-reacting-mine-off-theirs” was an event in the Olympics, I would be a 366th time gold medalist; all the while, finishing last with myself.
Then one day, a wise woman whose dogs I was house-sitting (all wise women have dogs) said to me, “Amy, be kind to your self. Make life simple and beautiful.” I was so stunned by her statement, and stalled by my internal self-talk – why, she makes it sound like a choice in life. Years later, I recall that my self doubting belief did what it still does best when left on automatic: it totally blocked me, totally blind spotted me, from asking her the obvious “How?”
There is a really good ending to this story. What was born from that experience was I knew it was more important that I own the result. Looking back now, it was being in the inquiry of such a possibility, while not knowing the how-to that actually began the process of breakthrough. Said plainly: make self-compassion a commitment first by declaring its existence in your thoughts, attitudes, beliefs, language and choices. The how-to will happen naturally, kindly, simply and beautifully.
Inspiration at the Exxon Station
This past Friday night, I hung out at Exxon’s convenient store, corner of Westheimer and Chimney Rock for about 40 minutes. Before you get a totally distorted picture of what I do with my weekends, allow me to explain. The Mega Millions lottery’s deadline was 10 p.m. that evening, and around 9 p.m., my beau and I decided to risk it all (cap of $5.00), and buy tickets. And we weren’t the only ones with this idea.
I admit I don’t have much experience buying lotto tickets. The whole process and culture feels alien to me. But that night, that convenient store, and that occurrence of buying last minute lotto tickets for one of the largest jack pots in history, fused an experience that I can only relate to what it must feel like to be an audience member of a Tony Robbins’ seminar. There was magic and transformation galore. People were buzzing, wearing hope-faith-possibility like an accessory. And if that wasn’t magical enough- they were giving it back to each other. Strangers were smiling at one another, exchanging more than just good luck. We were supporting one another with hope and possibility. It was as palpable as grass, and omnipresent as air. I didn’t want to leave. I wanted to make that atmosphere my permanent residence. That evening, I found Inspiration at the Exxon Station.
After note: The next day’s local paper reported there were no winners from that night’s drawing for Mega Millions. I tend to disagree.
Spin Your Own 180
I just returned from a month of delivering workshops on life coaching in the North East. It was an amazing journey, and one that started long before I left Texas. My commitment to design my own life had begun with the decision I would expand my physical boundaries and alter my work schedule to accommodate coaching nationally. Notice I did not commit first to “how to.” It would have stopped my intention in its track. Instead, I got real clear on my objective/goal, and from there, allowed the obstacles and limitations to write the small, manageable action steps. In life coaching, I educate my clients on this success mechanism. Get clear about the what. Not the how to. Shift your paradigm of how things occur to you up until now; spin your own 180.
“Arch” Support
Recently, I experienced severe discomfort in my heels and arches after years of living hard. You see, I have always been a heel-walker, the brunt of my weight and direction in life taken on this vulnerable area. I share this distinction with my father, and can still hear the heaviness and arrival of his approach in my life. He and I share the same determination and command in moving in life, that heel-walkers often do. We are driven folks, and would never be considered light travelers or light treading in our approach of people, places and things in life.
Now in my forties, I feel the effect in my physical form and reached for a pair of heel and arch supports in CVS last week upon the urging of my light-treading and compassionate boyfriend. Putting my ego aside, and accepting a new phase where support is now needed, I eagerly grabbed two pair.
It has made all the difference, and I highly recommend not only pursuing the physical support for your particular wear-and-tear, but in addition, ask yourself, where have I placed the burden of my existence internally? What would support in this area look like?
If it is time for you to build self-awareness and create an action plan to move forward in life, treading with lightness, joy and compassion in reaching where you want to go, both internally and externally, reach for the support of life coaching.
Amy Robinson is FULLY AWESOME! Great blogging.
Amy, love the blog, lots to chew on, but also fun. Good for me to laugh at me and the silliness of life. Ask myself what it is I really want from life (today). Check in with my body, it says it all. Proud of you and your mission. Grace
Amy,
The blog is great. I applaud you for taking the step to find the peace in your life that balances you and for reaching out to others and helping them find peace also. You’ve made me stop and think about many things! Keep it up!
Kathy
I love learning from your entertaining life balancing stories………….Keep on growing.
Amy,
This is an amazing article. I see a book in your future!!! Thanks for giving me some tips about just being…busyness is something I know oh too well. Last night I grab a coloring book and just colored for a few minutes!! It was very meditative and certainly didn’t feel like busyness!
Amy,
What fabulous reflections and insights! Thank you!